Some FML Are Always Uplifting

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying" I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I dont know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML


Contributed by
casper_wilkes
Created
May 17, 2012 at 04:38 AM
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[D]Motivated
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